so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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