stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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