Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
