Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
