listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
