Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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