My friends, they love my intelligence
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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