Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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