clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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