shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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