The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
