My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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