I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I pour the whiskey from now on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
