u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
