when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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