I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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