I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just blew my weed a kiss
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
