proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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