Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
