You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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