I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
