Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
operation have a gay friend backfired
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
