I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This beer is not sobering me up at all
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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