i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.