I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
