He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
