he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
