I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize