We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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