I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
