i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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