I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
