He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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