How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize