half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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