You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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