My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
