halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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