Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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