Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
