i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
