We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
