remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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