SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
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we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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