Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and she was petting her beer can
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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