And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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