My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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