I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
