Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
