So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
