My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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