about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
