Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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