how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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