this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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