I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
