I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
