apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
