Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
