Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
