You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
