You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
