Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
