One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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