what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
