**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
