Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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